69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i think i just lost a toe
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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