If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
