I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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