fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
