if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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