Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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