Barsexuality is the new black.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
