I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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