I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
