did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
