I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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