okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sext me about skeletons
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
