Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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