I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
