I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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