I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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