i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize