No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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