Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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