As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
