how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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