how can u be prego again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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