So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
