So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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