She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
