I wannas sexs uuuuu
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
