yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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