There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
