Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
being pregnant is like rehab
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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