I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
