i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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