why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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