Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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