Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
