theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
