I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize