I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
