Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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