im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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