my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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