just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
