his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
