So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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