Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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