Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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