so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish i was in the wii world.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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