The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
