Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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