just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
