He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
