well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
