i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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