Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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