I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
