He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
