Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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