I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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