Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
