I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
