omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
