Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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