I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
