this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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