I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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