guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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