Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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