I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
