Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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