so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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