I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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