The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
