Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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