I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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