this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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