What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
