i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
