Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
