I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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