apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
