How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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