Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
