I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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