he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
