kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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