Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
