I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
