oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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