so that wasnt chicken after all
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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