I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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