Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
