call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think people are normalizing furries
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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