Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
