I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sext me about skeletons
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
