I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
