I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
