you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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