her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
