Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
