i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
