WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
